All feeling like outsiders together: Imposter syndrome

It's a sad truth that the majority, if not all, of PhD students will experience imposter syndrome, otherwise known as the Impostor Phenomenon. The syndrome is there in every laboratory and every scientific research faculty. 

 

Symptoms of imposter syndrome include;

 

1. Self-doubt. 

 

This is the major one.  Every PhD student will worry about their abilities and their capabilities. Despite amazing project results, amazing feedback and amazing ideas, a person with self-doubt will worry that they are not skilled enough or intelligent enough. Any achievements are because of luck and because someone else helped them or gave them the idea. 

 

 

 

 

2. Fear of being seen or exposed as incompetent or a fraud.

 

Also, a major one for PhD students. PhD students will worry that they didn't deserve to even be accepted onto their PhD in the first place and somehow, they tricked their way onto their programme. Every mistake and failure adds to this fear and one day, you will be asked to leave because you should never have been there in the first place.  This can manifest in trying to avoid activities that might be judgemental, like presenting at conferences or even asking questions in seminars. 

 

3. Anxiety about not living up to expectations.

 

Every PhD student will worry about this, but it can become even worse for a student dealing with imposter syndrome. A person with imposter syndrome may worry that they will disappoint their supervisor to such a degree that they will ruin their entire programme- it also adds to the fear that they are incompetent and to their anxiety that they aren't good enough. Students may overprepare for their meetings with supervisors and rehearse what they will say to their supervisors. They may struggle with deadlines as they feel their work has to be completely perfect before its shared.

 

 

 

4.Overthinking.

 

Everyone over-thinks about something. But for those with Imposter Syndrome, overthinking can spiral into worse-case scenarios. A small choice about which reagent to buy turns from weighing up the pros and cons of each product, into thoughts that if you don't do it today, you won't complete the experiment and then fail. It becomes difficult to make any small decision- as each decision is a minefield of pros, cons and then paths that lead from that one choice. If you order that one, it could arrive late, you can't do the experiment, you will fail. But if you order that one and it arrives on time, you might find it's just awful and the experiment won't work. 

 

 

 

 

5.Self-criticism 

 

Doubting yourself can lead to self-criticism where a person is cruel to themselves because of their perceived failures. A person's inner dialogue, and the words they use to describe themselves, are harsh and uses language that they would never direct towards anyone else. This includes words like 'stupid' and 'idiot', and phases like 'why can't I get anything right?'. Some people, especially Brits might be self-deprecating at times - I call myself an idiot several times a day. But self-deprecation is meant to be humorous and varies with context. Self-criticism is constant and dominates a person's language. A person struggling with this may reject reassurance and appear uncomfortable with compliments. The words and sentiment may appear disproportionate- 'I messed up this experiment, I'm totally useless'. 

 

 

 

6 Depression.

 

This is more of a result of imposter syndrome rather than symptom itself but is still a major part of it. Eventually, all the fear and doubt and overthinking can stress the brain so much it becomes exhausted. The body's stress response leads to cortisol levels becoming so high that mood becomes dysregulated and contributes to depression. Cognitive resources are used up, and it becomes difficult to be positive or even focus- but this lack of focus can result in failing experiments or difficulty in research. This starts a vicious cycle where the imposter syndrome flares up again.  Depression and Imposter Syndrome come hand in hand. A student may struggle to set up experiments. analyse data and plan their next steps. They may appear to be deliberately procrastinating and come across as frustrated, irritable or withdrawn.

 

 

 

This isn't even including the physical symptoms which may include, although not limited to:

 

1. Back pain - caused by the body constantly being in a tense state.

 

2.Neck and shoulder tightness - also caused by the tension in the body.

 

3.Tiredness and fatigue - the brain's cognitive resources are being used up.

 

4.Headaches and migraines - caused by stress and tension.

 

5. Digestive issues - if the body is using up all its resources on the brain, it's not going to be giving much energy to the stomach and gut.

 

6.Chest pain and tightness - caused by stress and adrenaline.

 

7. Fidgeting and restlessness - the mind is on alert constantly so the body just cannot relax.

 

8.Weakened immune system. Yep, stress can lead to more illnesses. The body can't give the resources it needs to the immune system, and it gets weaker and stretched. 

 

Of course, a person with Imposter Syndrome may not experience all of these symptoms but they are good warning signs to look out for. 

 

Data released by Frontiers in 2023 indicates that approximately 90% of graduate students may experience imposter syndrome in their first year.  30-50% of doctorate students drop out and report excessive stress as a significant factor. This stress can be worsened by imposter syndrome causing self-doubt and severe anxiety. 

 

Whilst imposter syndrome is associated with PhD students, they aren't the only ones who will experience it. Recent data suggests that about 80% of postdocs and researchers also experience some degree of imposter system.  Scientific environments are sadly pretty cutthroat. Funding for labs has to be fought over most of the time and researchers across the globe are racing to get their discoveries out and published before another lab gets there first. Funding can be somewhat dependent on how much high-quality research a lab can produce.  Anyone in a lab may feel that they have something to prove to justify their place. 

 

 

 

 

 

Still, it has to be asked why PhD students are more vulnerable to this syndrome than paid researchers?

 

 

There are a few reasons:

 

1.PhDs are incredibly competitive.

 

Before even getting onto a PhD, a student will have had to work incredibly hard. They will have had to send in multiple high-quality applications, knowing that multiple other students are applying for the same limited places. They will have been rejected multiple times before being accepted. It is incredibly demoralising. Once on a programme, a PhD student may feel that they have to prove themselves and justify them being accepted over several others. This contributes so much to a vulnerable mental state and leaves a student susceptible to Imposter Syndrome.

 

2.Academic hierarchy.

 

PhD students are often seen as the lowest of the low in laboratories, and they often compare themselves upwards - looking up the people who have decades of experience, long publications and reputations. These people may share their publications and their refined ideas- but not always their early drafts and failed experiments. It is also such a competitive and cutthroat environment, where status is important. Titles such as 'Professor' and 'Senior researcher' reinforce these differences in status. Instead of these titles being used to help a student find someone who could help, it just makes a student feel lowly and that they will have to be exceptional. 

 

3.PhD students already feeling stressed and overworked.

 

PhD students have a limited time to get their research done. They are also trying to learn as much as they possibly can. This means that they are trying to get as much done in a day as is humanely possible. Many students also work part-time alongside their studies and are trying to balance their PhD life and their work life. Sadly, experiments rarely work the first time they are carried out and there are multiple troubleshooting steps that have to be carried out before usable data can be generated. A tired student who is struggling with a failed experiment thinking that time is running out is very vulnerable to Imposter Syndrome. 

 

4.Financial situations.

 

PhD students do not paid. Some are on funded programmes - but they are also incredibly competitive to get on. Programmes that give you a stipend also do not give you an unlimited amount of money.  Students with a stipend can expect to get about £16,000 - £17,000 a year. With the cost of living crisis, this can be incredibly difficult to live on. In fact, it is estimated that to live comfortably in the UK, a single person needs to earn approximately £30,500 a year.  Financial worries can lead to stress-leading to an increased vulnerability to Imposter Syndrome. 

 

 

5.Power dynamics 

 

A PhD is very dependent on the relationship a student has with their supervisors. These supervisors have massive influence over thesis approval, project funding, authorship, opportunities to learn during the PhD, and also direction of the project. If a student is having difficulties with their supervisors, it can severely affect their PhD. Students may fear making mistakes or even asking questions out of worry of what their supervisor may think of them. Without asking questions, a student may even make more mistakes, making the situation even worse. 

 

 

 

 

 

So why don't we talk about it?

 

To be fair, in my experience, we are actually starting to acknowledge it. During my PhD, we used to use imposter syndrome as a way to get to know each other. I made friends in the lab by making self-deprecating jokes about my imposter syndrome. 

 

But I do think it is depressing that we just accept it as normal. We actually think that not having imposter syndrome is weird and abnormal. There is still this prevailing attitude in laboratories that PhD students are meant to be feeling like they are outsiders.  There are improvements in laboratories BUT there is still an incredibly long way to go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For a while at least, it seems that imposter syndrome is not going to go away.

 

There's also not a cure for it... although there are some things that can potentially help:

 

1. Accept that experiments will not always work.  But that does not mean that you failed. You just found a way that doesn't work. No data is still a result- just not in the way you might have wanted. 

 

2. Celebrate the wins.  Scream in pure delight. If you are going to acknowledge the times you think of as failures, then you also need to acknowledge the times you win - no matter how small.

 

3.Be nice to yourself! This is incredibly hard, but it is effective. Acknowledge the things you did and handled well. 

 

4. Absence from laboratories day.

 

Sometimes a day away from the stressful environment can be incredibly useful. When I had a lot of experiments to do, I used to schedule one day away from the lab after I had done them. I would use this day to do all my data analysis from home, which I found a more relaxing environment. It was also good to have a self-care day away from all the labs and data. Even if you have a limited time, a day away won't make that much of a difference - especially if your brain is so overworked you aren't getting any meaningful work done anyway. 

 

5. Share the stories of when you did something stupid. 

 

Seems a bit counterproductive if you are struggling with being seen as incompetent but believe me, everyone in the lab has a stupid story of when they did something totally ridiculous. You will soon discover that everyone did something vaguely incompetent at least once. Even those you think of as the smartest and most together people in the lab. 

 

 

6. Get to know your colleagues.

 

Friends are important. Especially those who are going though it and have been through it. You need to laugh in labs, and you need to have moments of fun. These moments are so important in combating Imposter Syndrome. 

 

7.Sleep and eat.

 

A rested brain and a fed brain contribute a great deal to combating Imposter Syndrome. If a brain is tired and not receiving enough nutrients, it cannot fight and work as logically as it should, leaving you much more vulnerable to a poor mental state and Imposter Syndrome. A rested brain and a fed brain can help you out much more than you might think.